Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Out.For.A.Walk.B*tch.

 "Made with care for Randy."
Randy Giles?
Why not just call me "Horny Giles"
or "Desperate-for-a-shag Giles"?
 

I grew up watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on The WB. That girl had it worse than anyone. Sure she had regular girl problems (boys, parents, fitting in) but she also had to deal with the undead. I LIVED for Tuesday nights. Buffy was my first introduction to the supernatural. If all vampires looked like this, wouldn't you be watching too?
Vampire with a Soul. Hot!

Although the special effects didn’t measure up to today’s standards, it still scared the living daylights out of me. Of course sitting alone in the dark might do that to you. Anyway, I grew up through 7 seasons with this girl and this is what I have learned:

18 LESSONS LEARNED:

  1. Vampires DO NOT sparkle! They burn in the sunlight. (I'm looking at you TwiHards!)
  2. Bunnies are EVIL little creatures.
  3. Beer good. Fire bad!
  4. Never build a high school on a Hellmouth.
  5. Never push a slayer into anything wooden (i.e: staircase, fence) because she will make a stake with it.
  6. Always have kittens on hand when playing poker with a real loan shark.
  7. Everyone needs a Xander. He’s a very handy handyman.
  8. A girl who has had a long time crush on a boy but then falls in love with another boy may turn out to be a lesbian.
  9. Never have sex with a vampire. He'll lose his soul. (You won't wake up to a bruised body, a broken headboard or feathers floating around. Yes, I'm looking at you Twihards.)
  10. Having sex with a vampire can literally bring the house down. (Smashed S6 Ep9)
  11. Only in the Buffy-verse do a bunch of knights on horseback chasing down an RV covered in tinfoil make sense. (Spiral S5 Ep20)
  12. Be careful what you wish for because a vengeance demon might hear you.
  13. Never piss Willow off.
  14. Extra unexplained member of your family=the monks did it.
  15. Always carry identification, you never know when you'll lose your memory. (Tabula Rasa S6 Ep8)
  16. Tuesday is the scariest night of the week.
  17. Never piss off the librarian, especially if his nickname is "Ripper".
  18. Spike: "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood...blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." (ENOUGH SAID)

There's a lot more lessons to be learned from the Scooby Gang. Feel free to add what you've learned in the comments. Remember:

The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it.
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